The other day I read a translation of Romans 12:3 that cracked me up: âDonât cherish exaggerated ideas of yourself or your importance, but try to have a sane estimate of your capabilities by the light of the faith that God has given to you all.â
I think of myself as a person who can do anything, and I pretty much have done. However, a âsane estimateâ of my capabilities probably ought not continue to include stripping wallpaper. My back is in open rebellion this morning.
My self-worth doesnât lie in the things I make with my hands, but my work is how I spend my days. Would I continue to paint if I were confined to a wheelchair and could no longer scramble around rocks while doing so? I donât know. Would I continue to create if I were blind? I donât know.
âThe Ancient of Days in Europe a Prophecy,â copy D, 1794, William Blake
Would I be less valuable without a strong back or good eyes? No. Would I be happy? Since Iâm thrown if the toothpaste is in the wrong drawer, the answer is a decided no.
When I was 40 years old, I ran. I was fit enough to still wear a two-piece bathing suit. That year I had cancer that resulted in a colostomy. Not only was my appliance ugly, uncomfortable and expensive to maintain, but it leaked. Thereâs nothing like bowel spillage down your shirt to undermine any sense that youâre beautiful or desirable.
Eventually, they were able to reverse my ostomy, but in the time I had it, it changed something in my self-concept. I was no longer powerful and sexy; I was a cancer survivor. Iâve written about shedding that latter self-identity, but Iâm afraid these self-images might be like the layers of an onion.
Detail from âThe Creation of Adamâ
I was at a class this week where groups were asked to make posters. I flipped open my phone to Blakeâs The Ancient of Days, which, I thought, made the visual point better than anything I might draw. Another person grabbed a marker and translated Blakeâs idea to poster form. A third translated it to words. Even though I wasnât drawing, I was still operating within âa sane estimateâ of my abilities.
The Ancient of Days was not intended by Blake to be a portrait of God. He is Urizen, a demiurge. That, in gnostic systems, is an artisan who makes and maintains our physical universe. In our popular imagination, Urizen has come to represent the creative face of God. (Blake was a true seer, subject to visions from the age of four, but he was also a Christian.)
Note the hand holding the compass in The Ancient of Days. It is taut, energetic, and in absolute control.
Compare that hand to the hand of God in Michelangeloâs The Creation of Adam in the Sistine Chapel. Again, Godâs hand is taut and active. Adamâs is limp. God is surrounded by the unborn, in a great carapace that resembles a human uterus. Chief among these is Eve. Still in the womb, wrapped in Godâs embrace, she looks more lifelike than her future mate. Michelangelo is making a point here: our life force comes from God.
Like life itself, the gifts we have are transitory. Once given, they can be lost again in an instant. They donât totally define us, but they are a part of who we are.